In the 13 months since February 10, 2010, the day that my wife Jane died, less than a month shy of her 40th birthday, leaving me widowed with 6 children, I have found comfort and help in diverse places. But in recent months no one has helped me think through and find ways of expressing my feelings both past and present as much as Tricia who blogs at Teaching Tuck and Ty.
Shortly after her husband Robb died in her arms just two days before last Christmas (read: Final Hours), I found her blog. During my morning reading, I long to find a new post from her. Not because I wish Tricia more pain. She has more than enough of that as you’ll read on her blog. But because of her skill in writing and her transparency she helps me with mine.
I feel like I’m entering a sacred space when I read her posts. A place I’m sometimes afraid to go because of what it might uncover in me, but a place where I feel compelled to go, even if it means closing the door to the rest of the world so I can weep.
Today she reminded me again of what Rich Davis reminded me about as I completed my annual report for ABWE.
As I gave up those many tasks and titles, I realized I had been given a new full time job.
Job title: Grief and Recovery.
Job Description: To breathe, nurture, care for and seek healing for three people: Tucker, Tyler, and Me.
If the task doesn’t fall beneath that umbrella, I have to say no. This full time job takes all I have, and I must give it my full attention.
My job is changing. It doesn’t seem full-time anymore. But I am still learning to live, to hope, to trust again, and am trying to help my children to do the same.